Interchangeable

If you've ever looked at personal ads in a foreign country--especially in Eastern Europe (and I have to assume, in Asia), this is what you get:  men who want the mail order bride without paying.  This guy's shooting for a Russian bride but his aim is just a little too far West:

Man in nice country area of usa wants russian bride!!! Im a very artistic and loving usa citizen looking for a russian wife!!! I dont have alot of money, but do have a place to live, where we can be together until we get enough money to buy a place!!!

 (Craigslist, Prague)

Cougar or...anything really

Well, ladies, at least he isn't picky.

Looking for a cougar.

I am a 25 year old Hispanic who is looking for an older woman to spend sometime with, fuck me, teach me.

This is serious!

When I say older I mean 26 to 45, hmmm...ok, more like 18-45, 50 if everything still looks right!

(Craigslist, Indianapolis)

Don't worry--he's totally over her and ready for a new relationship.

Just think of all the fun dates you can have together:  picketing abortion clinics; sitting outside his ex's house in a pickup truck, crying; holding hands to prevent him from drunk texting her...endless possibilities.

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my girlfriend left me for a soldier...Not that I really care, she isn't a very good person anyways. However I just found out she had an abortion last month and the way things have timed out I am pretty sure it was from me. I guess I should be counting my blessings that I am not having a child with her but it really bothered me to find out. I have helped many friends and family get them and it never phased me in the slightest, but somehow feeling involved with this one has left me feeling well strange. I am not sad or angry I wouldn't say upset or on edge just strange. Well thats it for my crying I had to let it out and since non of my friends or family would be able to listen to me cry I thought I would take it to craigslist. Sorry to waste your time... Feel free to send me a message if you have been in a similar situation.....

(Craigslist, Austin)

Marc Bolan? Is that you?

12 inch long...teeth?  And oral?  I guess that's just because he can't use his hands.

“Hey ladies, just looking to have a woman who will see me for what I am (if for at least one fleeting moment of passion) — a man who keeps his thumbs, forearms, and upper arms taped together at all times to honor the late great Tyrannosaurus Rex – the sexiest of all dinosaurs. Now I know there are outpatient procedures to fuse the arm together surgically to better align myself with the ancient beast but it is simply too expensive for me; after all it is difficult to hold down a job with the limited motor skills my condition affords me. If you don’t like rambunctious roaring and screeching you should count yourself out right now, the same if you think the earth is 6000 years old. D&D free you should be too, will reciprocate oral.

P.S. Send pics to get ones of my dinosaur dong.

"Raaaaaaawwwwwwrrr!!!”

(Craigslist, Indianapolis)

Must Love Dogs

Adultery isn't a sin as long as we go to church together:

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I’m married to a woman who no longer wants to be married to me. For financial reasons divorce is not a good option. She has found a boyfriend to who he goes for affection and intimate time. I really don’t mind that so much but she refuses to support my interest in the church and things spiritual. I’m looking for a term relationship with a woman who is willing to join me in going to church and participating in church activates. If you are interested in meeting to exchange information on our beliefs please reply and we can go out to dinner. For us to seriously begin a relationship my dog sheba must like you too. This is not an advertisement for booty so please don’t try to use sex to attract me. it will never work

(Craigslist, Chicago)

Just wants to be pampered

This was the ad that launched it all.   Great way to casually mention your fetish on the last line, Mark:

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Hello Im am a single 35 year old guy, Im single no kids,non smoker, very carring and loving, down to earth, I have a house and a car, I am looking for a real woman between 18 and 39 who also is the same, You must live close no futher than 35 miles from Indianapolis, Im looking for a long term rel. Please send a picture and be real. NO FAKES, Put REAL in the subject line, If you wear diapers thats ok too Looks are not all that important. Id like to have a young woman say 18. but im open to that, Mark

(Craigslist, Indianapolis)