Monday, April 4, 2011


If you've ever looked at personal ads in a foreign country--especially in Eastern Europe (and I have to assume, in Asia), this is what you get:  men who want the mail order bride without paying.  This guy's shooting for a Russian bride but his aim is just a little too far West:
Man in nice country area of usa wants russian bride!!! Im a very artistic and loving usa citizen looking for a russian wife!!! I dont have alot of money, but do have a place to live, where we can be together until we get enough money to buy a place!!!
 (Craigslist, Prague)

Black Hat

Wow, now that's some impressive search engine optimization!  I was working on my daily research for this blog and decided to google "relationship advice" to see what sorts of love and sex columns are most popular.  The number one result on Google?  Is My Man in

Actually, I'm not even sure why I'm providing a link because the last thing I want is to drive traffic to that site.  And, yet, I figure I'm saving you the trouble since you're probably just going to Google it yourself, aren't you?

It's a pretty great name for a website--I'll give them that--but it's not even what you'd expect.  No, it's not a way to find out if your man is cheating by hiring a detective or following a list of guidelines to snoop on him.  It's just a spam site.

Specifically, it's a list of zodiac signs and a description of each man that fits that particular star sign.  This way, you can learn how to please your man, via the stars.  Sounds great, doesn't it?  Good to know that women looking for advice know they have astrology to fall back on.

Result number two in Google is preying on women in the same way.  This site is called Save This, and features an amazing stock photo of a smiling girl riding piggy back on an equally sappy, happy dude.  Obviously, they've saved their love.  But it's just another spam website with advice stolen from elsewhere on the web.

But I do love how the title, much like "Is My Man in Love" uses a woman's insecurities about her relationship to drive traffic and revenue?  Well done, web developer.

It's not until you get to the third result, which directs traffic to Dr. Phil's relationship advice, that you actually find something legitimate.  Let's take a look at what Dr. Phil has to say tomorrow, shall we?  For now, let me post today's most winning Craigslist ad.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Cougar or...anything really

Well, ladies, at least he isn't picky.
Looking for a cougar.
I am a 25 year old Hispanic who is looking for an older woman to spend sometime with, fuck me, teach me.

This is serious!

When I say older I mean 26 to 45, hmmm...ok, more like 18-45, 50 if everything still looks right!
(Craigslist, Indianapolis)

April Fool's

I don't ordinarily read sex and love advice columns (except for Dan Savage, who is just hilarious).  It's not that I disagree with their advice, necessarily--it's that I don't like being told what to do.

That said, I've decided to wade through some of them and post the things that I find interesting and absurd.

Today, Yahoo's Shine website posted this gem:  6 Surprising Reasons His Size Does Matter.  I have nothing snarky to say about it, except that I did a double take at the title.  Perhaps, size DOESN'T matter would be the April Fool's joke...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Don't worry--he's totally over her and ready for a new relationship.

Just think of all the fun dates you can have together:  picketing abortion clinics; sitting outside his ex's house in a pickup truck, crying; holding hands to prevent him from drunk texting her...endless possibilities.

my girlfriend left me for a soldier...Not that I really care, she isn't a very good person anyways. However I just found out she had an abortion last month and the way things have timed out I am pretty sure it was from me. I guess I should be counting my blessings that I am not having a child with her but it really bothered me to find out. I have helped many friends and family get them and it never phased me in the slightest, but somehow feeling involved with this one has left me feeling well strange. I am not sad or angry I wouldn't say upset or on edge just strange. Well thats it for my crying I had to let it out and since non of my friends or family would be able to listen to me cry I thought I would take it to craigslist. Sorry to waste your time... Feel free to send me a message if you have been in a similar situation.....
(Craigslist, Austin)

Marc Bolan? Is that you?

12 inch long...teeth?  And oral?  I guess that's just because he can't use his hands.

“Hey ladies, just looking to have a woman who will see me for what I am (if for at least one fleeting moment of passion) — a man who keeps his thumbs, forearms, and upper arms taped together at all times to honor the late great Tyrannosaurus Rex – the sexiest of all dinosaurs. Now I know there are outpatient procedures to fuse the arm together surgically to better align myself with the ancient beast but it is simply too expensive for me; after all it is difficult to hold down a job with the limited motor skills my condition affords me. If you don’t like rambunctious roaring and screeching you should count yourself out right now, the same if you think the earth is 6000 years old. D&D free you should be too, will reciprocate oral.

P.S. Send pics to get ones of my dinosaur dong.

(Craigslist, Indianapolis)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Must Love Dogs

Adultery isn't a sin as long as we go to church together:

I’m married to a woman who no longer wants to be married to me. For financial reasons divorce is not a good option. She has found a boyfriend to who he goes for affection and intimate time. I really don’t mind that so much but she refuses to support my interest in the church and things spiritual. I’m looking for a term relationship with a woman who is willing to join me in going to church and participating in church activates. If you are interested in meeting to exchange information on our beliefs please reply and we can go out to dinner. For us to seriously begin a relationship my dog sheba must like you too. This is not an advertisement for booty so please don’t try to use sex to attract me. it will never work

(Craigslist, Chicago)